Mixed up.

Many families in society are blended families. Children will have some step-parents and parents might have step-children. Either way, the blended family is different than the traditional family. When these challenges arise, everyone is shifting their boundaries and adding new people in their life. It is important that a step-parent act like the fantastic aunt or uncle. They may not be able to discipline their new step-child for a couple of years, but they need to back up their spouse. The couple needs to decide on the discipline behind closed doors and then the biological parent should be the one to enforce it. This will make the home a little bit smoother. Second marriages can be a challenge, but they can also be well rewarding.

What type of parent are you?

Parents have a huge affect on their children, whether they are controlling and what their children to do what they want, or if they are so laid back and want to be the child's 'friend' that they don't teach or punish them. The best way to be a parent is when you are firm, but fair.

The three styles of parenting are:

Authoritarian-

• Absolute set of standards
• Discourages verbal give and take (Don’t talk back)
• Do things the parent’s way or take the high way
• Often control through punishment, manipulation, or rewards.

The father in the Little Mermaid and the mother in Tangled can be seen as authoritarian.

Permissive-

• Gives children the greatest freedom
• Imposes fewer rules and penalties
• Makes few demands
• Avoids asserting authority or imposing restriction
• Allows children to regulate own behavior

The parents in Home Alone are examples of permissive parents because they don't demand Kevin to do anything.

Authoritative-

• Recognition of child’s and parents rights
• Parent will negotiate
• Parents believe the child deserves a say in matters that affect them
• Child has say in rules and penalty’s
• Parent looks at individual circumstances when making a decision

The parents in the Emperors New Groove are examples of Authoritative parents because they are firm but fair.

How parents treat their children affects them in the long run. Children who grow up in authoritative homes are less likely to be delinquent and are happier. To find out what kind of parent you are, go to: http://www.activeparenting.com/Parents-Parenting_Style_Quiz.

Thanksgiving

At the beginning of this week, I was researching information about fathers. Fathers are really important, and I feel sorry for anyone who grew up in a home without a father. When the father is in the home, kids do better in their school work, are less likely to become juvenile delinquents, and have better emotions.

Since Thanksgiving was also this week, I was able to go home to Oregon and spend time with my family. On Thursday night, we had a family counsel as to what we wanted to do for black friday. We each said what we would like to do and then my parents made the overall decision. I know that families are called of God, and when we have children within the bonds on matrimony we are blessed. When we map our families as the prophets have instructed, our trials will seem easier and we will be blessed for obeying.

Is it worth it?

In the last few minutes of our class today, we were told a story about a family that had a dual income, but ended up bringing in less money than they would have if the father had been the sole provider. You might ask, how can that happen?

My dad has always talked to me about this exact issue. When both parents are working, you are most likely to be pay for:

$ day care- this can get very expensive if you have lots of kids

$ a new wardrobe- if the wife starts work, she will need professional clothes
$ another car- you will need another form of transportation

$ food- because you will be busy and tired, you will be more likely to eat out or buy pre-made foods

$ cleaning- they might hire someone to help clean their house

This can be very expensive. I believe that it is valuable to have a stay-at-home mom. I loved coming home from schooling and talking to my mom. It was therapeutic for me to just talk about my day. If I had a problem at school, my mom was able to come over at the drop of a hat. I also think that teenagers need their mom's at home just as much as a six year old would.

Reactions.

Crisis are both dangerous and an opportunity. We have all been in a crisis, and if not, it will be coming your way soon. But how do we react when we are put in a crisis? Every one reacts differently, and it will then change our total outcome of the situation.

The five most common stressors that families will go through, are:

- Incarceration

- Adding a new family member (birth, adoption, marriage)

- Losing a job

- Illness/Death

- Infidelity

My little brother fainted at a cross country meet, not to long ago. He hadn't really eaten all day, nor did he have a lot of water. His body literally shut down, but my parents handled the situation very well. My parents first wanted to know that he would be okay, so while the paramedics were there, my dad was handling all of the financial things, while my mom was worrying about Jake. We were told that if he had been 'out' for a few more minutes he could have died. This was very devastating to hear.

Jacob is much better now, but at the time we could have blamed him for not eating and drinking water, or we could have put the blame on my mom for not making him a lunch. We could have blamed the other teammates for not telling the coach that he had thrown up bile before the race. We could have put the blame anywhere, but we didn't. Him fainting was a combination of things, and it wouldn't have gotten our family anywhere. We know that he is fine and that it was a freak accident.

How people reacts does effect the whole outcome to the situation. We should not judge others, or scapegoat. It is also not healthy to be in denial for a long period of time. The best way to get through a crisis is to: take responsibility, affirm worth of the family, balance self concern with others concern, reframing, and by using available resources. When families talk about things together, know that others are mourning, and spend time together-they will cope about the crisis in a more positive way. Crisis can be both an opportunity and a danger.

Think it through.

Emotions run high in women. Many people don't think they are having affairs, because they are not in a physical or sexual affair. There are actually four types of affairs. There are sexual affairs, romantic affairs, visual affairs-pornography, and fantasy affair. In an article by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner, called INFIDELITY: PROTECTING OUR MARRIAGES it states, "It is important to point out that it does not take two people for infidelity to occur. Many times affairs are committed within the mind or heart of a married individual with no other participating party."

At church we were discussing chastity when someone said, "If you have to ask if it is too far, it is probably too far." It is important to teach your children the limits at young ages. Do not beat around the bush with them. Four years are aware of the differences between boys and girls. It is important to teach young children correct terminology and boundaries. Parents need to be active in their children's lives and aware of what they are learning.

The other day I deleted over three hundred friends from Facebook. The reason I did this was because I had many "friends" who I didn't really know, nor did I want to share certain things with them. It has become a problem for people to become connected with "lost loves" both intentionally and accidentally . . . with the same predictable results. A question that was asked on a slide show was, "Would I discuss these topics with this person if it were not so convenient?"

Dr. Laura told a story about fidelity,

"Not long ago, I took a call from a woman who was complaining about her ex-shack-up honey’s girlfriend, (the “homewrecker” as she called her). Here’s the gist of how that call went:

Me: Is this woman someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller: NO
Me: Is this man someone who took vows of fidelity to you?
Caller: NO.
Me: Is this man someone you simply shacked up with without a commitment?
Caller: YES.
Me: Did you decide to create two children in this insecure situation?
Caller: YES
Me: And you’re mad at HER???

While these two situations seem unrelated, they most certainly are related. How? When a person makes foolish decisions and then complains about the most typical, logical and predictable outcome, that is a person totally out of touch with the reality of life. YOU make choices; YOU should be willing to take responsibility for those choices and stop looking and acting as if you are an innocent victim of life’s tidal waves."

Relationships are hard work. They take sacrifice and dedication, with loyalty, love, and intimacy. Teach your children the things that should be taught in the home. It is better for you to teach it to them, than have a child try to teach it the wrong way.

The Butterfly Circus